Jonathon’s Worst Meal Ever

After we got home from our night out with Quinn’s dad and Monique, we fell asleep right away. A few hours later, I woke up in a puddle of sweat. I was freezing cold in the 90 degree weather and constantly in the bathroom. I instantly got food poisoning from that mystery meat street quesadilla. I was in the bathroom all night and the next day when we showed Scott & Monique more of San Juan del Sur, I could barley stand. I tried to stick it out all day, but the truth was that I was in serious pain. We were going to leave the next day to Costa Rica for our first visa run, so I knew I had to get better fast. When dinner time came that day, I decided to stay behind and just go to bed rather than eat with them. They were excited to try Quinn’s favorite Nicaraguan meal: a huge plate of grilled chicken, gallo pinto, cabbage salad, homemade chilero and plantain chips. But the very thought of food made me want to vomit. I needed to go to bed.

So, whilst Quinn Scott & Monique were eating her favorite meal in Nicaragua I purchased a Cup of Noodles so that I could have a delicate meal before passing out. Upon entering Elizabeth’s kitchen the oldest daughter ran up to me to tell me that my cup of noodles was bad for the flu. She continued to give me advice on what I needed to eat in order to feel better, but I couldn’t understand her because Spanish sounded very fast with my slow sick brain. I just nodded my head and asked for hot water. Elizabeth, being the mom that she is, started boiling me water right away. While the water was boiling she grabbed a plantain. For those of you that are unfamiliar with plantains, they are the mandango of bananas. They are huge, thick but not sweet–they taste a bit like potatoes.

She quickly cut it open and put the whole thing in a blender. The plantain was so big and hard she had to continuously add water and push it down to get it to blend. I thought, ‘Ok, cool maybe I’m getting a banana style smoothie. If not, I don’t care my stomach hurts so bad I’m willing to eat anything.’ After the water finished boiling I opened up my cup of noodles excited to have warm soup. At that moment, Elizabeth came rushing in and dumped the plantain mush into the pot. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I was super sick and super confused. Elizabeth continued to stir the blend until it became a thick and gooey pudding like substance. She plopped it into a bowl, handed me a serving spoon and said (in Spanish), “This is good for your stomach. This is what I give my grandkids when they have the stomach flu.” I thanked her and closed my eyes in hopes that it might taste better than it actually looked.

I sat on the couch sweating, hoping that this meal would heal everything. The first bite was like a creamy bland potato pudding with a hint of banana. It was hot and thick and extremely gooey. I had a difficult time eating it so I tried taking little bites and swallowing them whole to prevent me from tasting it. Each little bite felt like a huge loogie that I was forced to swallow. I did this for thirty minutes and only finished half the bowl. I kept thinking about how much this sucked. I should have just gone out to eat with Quinn.

Elizabeth came back to the couch and asked if I wanted lemon. Once again I was very slow and constantly confused while hearing Spanish. I figured that I would try anything to make this taste better. Five minutes later Elizabeth brought me a cup of straight up freshly squeezed lemon juice with salt. I tried to sip it but the acid was too strong. She told me to just drink it all really fast to kill the infection. Ok here we go! Chugged it all and chased it with my plantain glue soup. All I wanted is my little a Cup of Noodles soup.

After 10 minutes more of trying to force down the rest of the food, Elizabeth recommended that I save the rest for the next day. I was so relieved and went straight upstairs to bed. Unfortunately the meal didn’t completely heal me by the next day. I felt a bit better but I’m not sure if the plantain pudding had anything to do with it or not. It was a crazy meal that I hope to never experience again. I much prefer the pharmacy where they can give me the medication for under $2 and I don’t have to taste it.

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6 responses to “Jonathon’s Worst Meal Ever

  1. Thanks again for the reccomendation of Hospidaje Elizabeth! The family was extremely nice! I actually ended up sleeping on the front porch one night because I came back late and didn’t want to wake them up! lol

    • We’re so happy you enjoyed Hospedaje Elizabeth!! They really are such a great family. So funny that you ended up sleeping on the porch, I’m sure you’re not the first nor the last to do that though! It’s easy to stay out late when you’re having a fun night in San Juan del Sur 😀

      Cheers to you friend!
      Quinn & Jon

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